Cool Stuff

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Sick-Sicker-Sickest: The Sickness

Yep, it's that time again kiddies! I'm sharing another blast from the musical soundtrack of my life.

Today's song is from the band SEETHER and the song is called "The Gift"

It is a gut wrenching and harrowing listen as is but for me this one takes me back to a very specific time and place, one of the most frightening places of my entire existence: The last 12 months of my drug taking life. My Cocaine addiction is at it's height and of course I'm drinking around the clock going in 3 day cycles of using Coke/drinking and then taking mass doses of Methadone/Ambien/Seroquel to bring me down to try and sleep. I was a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.

This song was my Anthem: I knew what it said and for me it was my truth at that moment. My sickness had completely taken over my life....I thought I was doing GREAT?! I really did....

The funny thing about hearing the song today is it still brings me those same feelings of dying hard, living fast, living to die...and in a strange way I still identify with it in that I can see how it can happen.

That is how I know that I am only a drink or a drug away from lighting that fuse all over again. I don't even question it: I use/I die, I drink/I die, period end of story. For an addict/alcoholic, it's truly the first drink or drug that kills you, not the last....

1 comment:

  1. I can remember that song. I allso remember the good times and bad. The thing that worries me is is that I think of the good times to often and not remembering the bad is bad. But I still love the song. It means a lot. But ok that's that . Hope this makes scents. K....good song