Mr. Sunshine

I wonder if anyone else experiences the same strange, feeling of doom thing that I do every time I wake up, mostly in the morning but it happens after a nap to a little lesser degree as well.

No matter what is going on in my life, no matter how good or less then good....I wake up with a powerful sense of foreboding. Like things are definately NOT OK. And it takes 15, 20 minutes usually for this feeling to dissipate. This has been happening to me, pretty consistently since I sobered up in June of 2006. I say that because when I was drinking & drugging, especially in the latter years, things were pretty (actually VERY) shitty most of the time so if I was feeling down when I woke up (or whenever), that would be consistent with what was happening in my life at the time...

I think for a long time I just accepted it because I would often experience sudden changes in my feelings or mood, sometimes even vicious mood swings but I accepted them because I knew I was making rather significant changes in my life: physically, emotionally, psychologically and then a little later on...spiritually. Hey I figured I was bound to feel a bit screwed up for awhile. And man was I ever screwed up! But as time went on I expected those intense feelings to settle down a bit. And for the most part they did....

Yet here I am, every morning when I get up feeling like Chicken Little and the freaking sky is going to fall down! And that's basically it, too. And then as I get moving, the feeling goes away....But it is a powerful and disturbing enough phenomenon that I am concerned about it.

I know, some folks will say: "Hey Thom, it's morning...every one hates getting up in the morning!". Yea, except me...I'm a morning person and it's my favorite time of day. I willingly get up, usually long before the Sun comes up because that's my normal.I'm not saying that I'm like that dude in the Sun Suit on the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Commercial or anything but I'm mostly a pleasant, happy guy in the morning...

So I don't know if this is actually something to be concerned about or not. I've been living this way for a few years now and the feeling always seems to pass with time. In the early days it freaked me out big time because I thought the doom & gloom would never go away!! Yea, I was a tad flaky in those days (still am, according to some folks....).

Any way, I always feel grateful when I do wake up and find that I have been given the gift of another day, pretty sweet for a guy that used to thoroughly hate every second of his life....