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Saturday, January 7, 2012

DYING and Mixed Emotions.

I'm not sure exactly how this post is going to go or where I may end up here but the passing of a friend tonight after a vicious fight with Cancer has me thinking some and feeling a great deal tonight.

In my nearly 50 years on the planet I have experienced death and dealing with death really from a very early age. I have had several shifts in my beliefs about what happens when people die and I've spent many years believing very strongly that I have walked the planet before, living several lives over the generations and the notion still gives me shivers to this day. Those belief's sure run counter to my views about dying and eternal life as a Christian...

I know that life and death are powerful experiences and many people do not deal with death or the loss of a loved one very well. I accept that dying is a natural part of life and as I mentioned I experienced the death of many  friends and family as a young person...but I especially lost a lot of my friends as a teenager. That did not change as the kid became an adult....when you are a practicing addict, well that lifestyle actually promotes death by the risky behavior it encourages and especially when starting at such a young age.

I am not NUMB to death and it's emotions but there is a certain percentage of me it seems that just shuts down temporarily while the worst of the emotional hurt washes right over the top of me...then it seems to seep back in quietly after the fact when I am more capable of dealing with everything. I've often wondered if that has something to do with my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and a way that I have naturally tried to reduce the impact of emotional pain.

I'm not sure but it is certainly a possibility....

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