Thursday, January 5, 2012
I don't know man...maybe I'm starting to feel better or at least I'm getting used to this Merry Mess that I call my LIFE right now with it's little to NO sleep, Cancer Scare, lousy health, concerns about Kim's un-employment, etc. With all of that going on I still think about my recovery all the time...every day really with out failure.
I want to quote what I consider one of the most powerful sections from the book Alcoholic's Anonymous, AA's "BIG BOOK" or general text for recovery following the 12 steps of AA. I personally consider this book and it's program an absolutely essential tool in the world of addiction and alcoholism recovery today. This quote has always haunted me....mainly because of my natural ability to relate to it as it is...I have BEEN in the exact PLACE this quote is talking about and though I was so sick I couldn't function.
Here we go..this comes from page 152 of the Book Alcoholics Anonymous: "He (the Alcoholic) cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. The he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place...He will wish for the end."
But I felt that way...I couldn't take another drink (or drug)...I was dying yet I HAD to drink...it was the only way to beat the DEMONS off my doorstep...drink, my sweet friend alcohol who TURNED on me with a vengeance, demanding my life.
And it was also SPOT-ON about loneliness because I had NEVER felt so freaking alone before....this was all critical to my eventually throwing in the towel and giving up, letting God in to take me away.
I suggest to anybody who is struggling with alcoholism or drugs to read at least the first 163 pages of the BIG BOOK...you won't regret it. You might not get it...might not be ready but you will not regret IT.