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Thursday, January 19, 2012

It's WIDE Open!

In spite of the latest difficulty with my health...I cannot let myself forget that I am at the crossroads of a very special and unique time in my life. I have been clean and sober for sometime and have learned to live life quite happily and productively (one day at a time) with out drink or drugs. I have never lost sight of the fact that this is quite honestly a miraculous event that I had very little to do with. I was truly at wits end and with out all hope that day I tried to die...yet it didn't happen though the doctor's involved are baffled. I should have died... But I didn't and what has happened since then is special...

I have a relationship today with God that frankly...I NEVER thought could or would happen. Why? I hated God and wasn't that sure to begin with that I even wanted to be involved with him...

But...because of this relationship with HIM...I have discovered and become involved in a bunch of very special relationships with several people that I am extremely close to and very fond of.  This I never saw coming for I was an isolationist...I craved time ALONE and looking back on it I didn't like people very  much....

Today I cherish these relationships and they are most important to me...Bottom line is I love people today and I truly enjoy my interactions with them no matter the situation...Even debilitating long term illness has not prevented me from loving and embracing this new life of mine.

Most importantly, today I am capable of having a healthy and loving relationship with K-Sue. There were times, even recently when I still felt so scarred, so damaged and mistrustful that I wasn't sure I would be able to clear that hurdle and be capable of loving her unconditionally. And it isn't easy of course and this relationship like all of them is a work-in-progress.

So I feel an immense amount of gratitude as I sit here this morning knowing in my heart that GOD is here with me and the future lies ahead, wide open and full of possibility instead of full of it used to be.   

(PHOTO: Kathy Tomson)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

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