Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Fleshing It Out
I do not feel any pressure to live my life a certain way or do some certain things...If I desire anything it is to be able to serve others to the best of my ability...but I don't feel as if I am being forced to do so. I am happy to do it.
That most certainly is a departure from the way that I used to go about living my life. Before I just reacted...lurching from one crisis to another, following this endless, vicious circle without end, without beginning.
Today I know that to live, is what I choose to do and that life doesn't automatically come to me...no I often have to SEIZE it, grow it and LIVE it out myself, flesh it out...no one is going to do that for you, nor should they. It's our lives...let's LIVE 'em! An these days I really like that part...I used to hate it!
I think that particularly when I first got clean I was fearful of what life may have in store for me , I was not used to facing it without booze. Honestly I felt better about being sober then i expected too and that is a significant statement.
Often it is my EXPECTATIONS that cause the most trouble for me. I get it in my head life is supposed to be one way or another and if my experience does not meet my expectation then somehow I was failing. I realized pretty quickly how ridiculous it was to live that way and I accepted whatever came my way...and you know what? Life wasn't perfect but it was LIFE...and it was perfectly OK for me.