The Melting Ice Cream Post

I have often experienced these moments in time where I feel like an outsider, feel lost, alienated and just somehow "out of the loop" from everyone else. Recent readers to Shell Shock will recognize that I have been posting on this exact subject for the last few days. As long as I can recall I have been subjected to the Black Dog Days....those are periods of Depression that I've known all my life. I "borrowed" the moniker "Black Dog" from Winston Churchill who suffered from chronic depression and called it his Black Dog....I always thought that was clever and use the term myself.


I am somewhat fascinated by how these moods can come on so suddenly...seemingly from out of nowhere. And just as suddenly they disappear...without a trace leaving only a bewildered ME standing in it's tracks. Ironically some dear friends of mine have a big, black dog named Smokey, whom I adore so now I kind of feel bad using that name to describe something as painful and hurtful as depression after seeing Smokey but hey, the name has stuck so it is what it is...sorry Smokey!


What I have also found interesting is that I can be experience The Black Dog much like I have the last 3 days and still go about my business which I am thankful for. Many people suffering from Depression are almost paralyzed by it...thankfully I haven't experienced it to that extent.


Not to change the subject but to illustrate what I am talking about when I say that I do not sleep and I'm struggling.  I just woke up sitting at my desk, this post I'm writing on my computer with a whole series of lines (8 lines to be exact) of letter "S's"  and the half eaten bowl of ice cream that I was working on while writing had toppled off the desk and melted onto my lap and down my leg to my feet. What a freaking mess and a strange sensation. 


So I am sorry folks but I'm going to cut this short...I obviously need to clean up then catch up on some sleep so I'll try and take a little nap. Perhaps I'll check back later....