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Saturday, March 31, 2012

HURTING and at A Loss...

Well it's NCAA Basket Final Four Semi-Final Night in America...That's where the two teams who will duke it out Monday night to be National Champion are determined. As I sit and write this it looks like Kentucky has easily defeated arch-Rival Louisville by 8 points. It wasn't really that close. Ohio State will play Kansas in 30 minutes or so to determine who will play Kentucky Monday Night for the BIG PRIZE!

I'm not really sure why I led off with that bit of information tonight. I mean it's important from a sports perspective and I actually and interested and do care since I am a college hoops fan but in regards to life's "Bigger Picture"....IT ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT.

My hearts a little sore tonight....I have some feelings and thoughts that are too strong and personal to express here publicly and though they due have something to do have something to do with other people or another single person, it doesn't feel like it is something I could ever really discuss with anyone. Not because it's taboo or really bad but it seems awkward and for me I am not sure at this point if it isn't just another thing I make a bigger deal out of then it needs to be. 

And that is entirely possible....but on reflection I don't think it's an exaggeration, my feelings are hurt and I don't quite understand what is going on. Sorry to lay all that out there folks and not be able to elaborate but circumstances and ethics just won't allow me to do it.

I will admit that I still struggle in my life with relationships and interacting with other people. Perhaps my expectations are outta whack but I lack confidence because I just don't know what to expect from others in return. I have my own expectation of how I should behave and rarely do other people meet that expectation in response, which I understand and accept. I hold myself to a higher standard and I want it that way but it may be expecting too much of others to meet the expectation as well. For myself...I really need to think and act in those terms after behaving so selfishly all those years.   

So I feel troubled by this conflict in my mind and in my heart...the people I normally would discuss this type of situation with aren't an option this time around. So I am going to do what I normally do when I am at a crossroads in life and I'm stuck...I'll pray about it and see if I have a bit more clarity on the subject later.

Time to watch the second game...I'm much more interested in this game between OSU-Kansas because of the Big Ten connection. It is the only time that you will ever see me openly root for Ohio State, Ha Ha.

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