Saturday, March 10, 2012
Sail On, Sail Home...Sail Free
The very air seems to hold the uncertainty that I feel at this time. I will be the first one to admit that it can be difficult to constantly live a life of change, to promote and encourage the positive, to not give in to the pressure one feels to let their emotions loose and be negative...because there is a lot of hurtful stuff happening. It really hurts to see someone you care deeply about treated so poorly and have very little ability to prevent it. All that is left is to be supportive and perhaps make suggestions...
Supporting and suggesting gets old real fast and feels a whole lot like doing nothing when stuff is going all negative all around you. A person like me cannot just turn off their feelings so they have to go somewhere...and they do. Some of them certainly get expressed here on Shell Shock and that relieves a bit of the pressure. But mostly they get internalized...because I can't vent these feelings freely... definitely not right now. There are several situations that are impacting my life right now, all are difficult to deal with in their own right...collectively it's a huge mess.
They involve housing, starting over, a new life-style, moving, marriage, legal matters, children, broken trust, lying and that is just a sampling. The reality of this situation is most of what we are dealing with...that I am dealing with could and should have been avoided by honest, rational, communication and putting certain priorities first...like a child's welfare or a housing situation. One must tread carefully so that makes it even more important to keep one's emotions in perspective.
Of course in that list of things I did not include the "usual" stuff like paying bill's, rent, health and then for me there is always recovery stuff, coping still with new emotions and realizations regarding SA (Sexual Assault) and the Bible Reading Ministry & Outreach. All stuff I enjoy certainly but it requires effort, time, communication and coordination. That all wears on a person...
The good thing about all this is the simple fact that I can sit here on a Saturday morning and write about it all rationally....so it is by no means an overwhelming situation. I still do not have to like it of course but most of us actually don't like some of the things we have to regularly deal with in our daily lives.
So today I'll drive into town and I actually have my partner with me today. It adds something special when Kim can come and be a part of the Bible Reading ministry on Saturday Mornings...the Gals at the Nursing Home get a kick out of her and she enjoys it as well. Then we'll run a few errands and probably spend a lot of time outside. We are warming up in Michigan. The next week...starting tomorrow is going to be in the 60's more or less so this is the time to get stuff done.
I already have done some clean up in the yard and storm window changes, I put on the screen door in the side door of the garage...just to be able to get some air in here when we get to tomorrow and this warm stretch.
So basically it goes like this...we hang in and hold on through the storms and rough seas of life...when the weather breaks we run the sails up and make time with the wind. You understand what I just said there has nothing to do with sailing...right? Right!
(Painting: Winslow Homer)