Friday, March 30, 2012
The INSATIABLE More, More, MORE!!
I will admit it has been a pleasant day...an odd description coming from me who rarely thinks of anything in terms like "pleasant". Awesome, good, interesting, lousy...I tend to lean more toward extreme descriptions in my everyday vocabulary...I always have. That is why when the thought occurred to me today that this has really been a rather pleasant day...that thought caught my attention. And for all the right reasons too, I believe.
I'm not sure in my past existence as a practicing addict/alcoholic/adrenaline junkie that I can describe anything that I did or experienced as "pleasant". I wanted MORE...I always wanted more, more, more. And as anyone in recovery will tell you...wanting MORE is way different then ever being able to SATISFY that craving...you simply can't, it was insatiable.
Some folks will use the hamster wheel analogy and that works very well for describing how it looked and felt to me at the time. I was always going 110 mph and NEVER really going anywhere...just spinning my wheels. A person in that emotional, mental, physical and spiritual state will in a very short period of time absolutely EXHAUST and wear out the people who are close to him/her. And such was the case with me...I simply was never satisfied...If I had to experience IT, then by osmosis...so did everyone around me and you drive away people who care about you that way.
It all seemed so natural, so exciting and like "normal" to me...I could not understand why others did not feel the same way...even has they shunned me and stopped coming around. Thinking of living life that way today totally exhausts me...just THINKING about it!
That is why I revel in the notion of experiencing and enjoying I might add...a rather PLEASANT day.