Sunday, April 22, 2012
Does Anyone Remember The Laughter?
I have repeatedly written about the quality of my life after I became sober. To recount the various ups and downs here would take several posts... suffice it to say that it has been an immense struggle at times but after all, I have been given my life back...and in many, many ways it is better...much better then before. But even though that is absolutely true, there is a disturbing reality that I have had to come to terms with as of late.
For all the good that I have going on in my life and for everything that I have been given, I am extremely grateful. But I noticed something recently that has really begun to bother me. At first I thought I was over reacting, now I am not so sure. I have discovered that in a great many ways the laughter that used to be a great part of my life is now MIA (missing In Action)...it simply doesn't seem to exist anymore.
And I am not sure why or what happened...but I am positive that it is no longer a part of my life like laughter used to be and that makes me rather sad. Why? Because deep down in my heart I know that even though it may come back to me once in awhile in bits & pieces, that basically as a permanent part of my LIFE...well it is gone forever. And I can never have it back...things will never be the same.
Because I believe it was the laughter of innocence and youth, carefree and unencumbered by pain and tragedy. Sure...in some ways wisdom and courage, among other things have taken it's place but it isn't really the same.
Of course I have no one to blame but myself so there is no reason to really get down about it but it's one of those things that I think about when I'm alone and it's quiet, just me and my thoughts. Thats when the sadness creeps in and I wonder if any one really...remembers the LAUGHTER?