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I will say that most of the time I am pretty good about dealing with unpleasant things that happened in my past but there are occasions when stuff will come up unexpectedly and catch me by surprise.
A couple of people that I am very close to are upset about some things that are bothering them from a long time ago and they want to try and rectify the situation. It is stuff that has happened to me that they are upset about but I really don't want to be involved...in fact I have refused to even discuss this subject with either one of them. It just upsets me more and IT is something that I have learned to let go of because there is nothing that can be done about it
But in spite of my wishes they have informed me today that they have gone ahead and gotten involved even though I asked them a long time ago to not to do so. It is very upsetting and just brings back a whole bunch of bad memories and hurt feelings...I know they care about me and think that they are protecting me but I wish they had just stayed out of it because it will only make things worse. And I dread what may happen next...
And I guess the point is there are elements of this life that we have no control over...and what other folks do or say is definitely one of those things. Now I am feeling all turned around again and it pisses me off because I really do not want to think about this stuff anymore.......but guess what? Here I am stuck in the middle all over again
Sorry you're dealing with this. Keep riding the wave...
ReplyDeleteI'll keep riding the wave Sister, thank you!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how your posts tend to resonate with me, and vice-versa, even though they come from entirely different places sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI am just learning myself that, yes, I have no control over other people's actions. I am trying to chalk it up to karma, or the universe, or SOMEONE, teaching me a lesson, such as that it was myself that had control for a very long time and, sadly, did a bad job. Therefore I no longer have this privilege. But dangit, it's difficult to be a good student sometimes...
I hope your situation works out well without too much stress. Hang in there.
I know Chris...It took much trial and error to learn a lot of this stuff and I too struggled.
ReplyDeleteI think it's very cool that yes, we are quite different people, age, sex, outlook, situation, we live on different continents :-)...yet what we share is our humanness. We are all human beings with the same capacity to feel: love, hurt, be angry, feel sad, etc..etc. Writing Shell Shock has really taught me that lesson repeatedly...people from every conceivable walk of life can come here and relate. They may never have taken a drink or a hit of BLOW but they can relate to the emotions...those are what connect us.
that is why I have increasingly felt that the key to human existence in this world today, one of them anyway are the relationships we share with others. I used to revel in my individuality...basically giving the FINGER to the entire work...I see things in a completely different light: It is NOT a weakness to need love, to feel needed or cherished....I used to think it was. Boy was I ever wrong. Now I believe that can be taken too far into dependence on another person and that is NOT what I am suffering to here. But it is OK to desire love and affection. And it is truly divine to be able to provide those things to others...
Sorry, i got WAAAAY off track there but you struck a (good) nerve...