I've given some thought occasionally to ending this blog, Shell Shock Serenade. These thoughts usually come out of the blue but are usually provoked or motivated by the same thought: "I am sharing too much of my self to the public". But I usually come to the conclusion after 1307 posts, most of them extremely personal...it's really doesn't matter anymore...it's too late to stop because the "damage" (for lack of a better term) has already been done.
Besides...I really haven't anything to hide and can't afford to hide if I did because I need to c'come clean" for my own sake...which I think was the original reason I started this journey into the blog world in the first place...I'd put this stuff out there where everyone could see, then I would HAVE to be accountable for it.
And though it admittedly feels weird and awkward at times knowing I really have no true personal/private life...I haven't any real regrets. I think it has been worthwhile for several reasons...it has made me open up and be accountable, there is something cathartic about purging all these "secret, un-touchable topics and things" and hanging them on the proverbial clothes line for the whole neighborhood (in this case "the WORLD") to see.
But I do think it only natural to have second thoughts and/or want to change direction and decide that the benefit of writing Shell-Shock has run it's course and shut it down. But I can't ever really get to that place where I have done it. Why?
I suppose because I have so much invested here and I realize that I am still reaping benefits from sharing. I get feed back stating that various folks have been helped by what they've read here. Well that alone is enough for me to keep plugging.
Though I will admit that I have "mailed in" some posts with less then the usual zest & zeal of most posts, mostly I still feel as passionate about writing Shell Shock as I ever have. Sure...I periodically feel as if I've hit a wall and have no where else to go and then something special happens and I think I could never shut this thing down. And that is the place where I am at today.
So for another day at least... Shell Shock Serenade will continue!
My heart sank a little at first read... I am happy you are still here!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about being so public, but there is a certain dignity in owning our truth.
My mother will never understand why I am "so public", but I totally get where you are coming from - and remember - you are helping people in the process of helping yourself.
This blog is a gift. Thank you for continuing to share.
xxoo
You hit the nail on the head, the reason I truly do this: you help yourself by helping others. A very well known 12 step program with 2 letters at the very beginning of the alphabet is absolutely BASED on this very same simple truth. You keep what you have...by giving IT away.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how much you've read but there are some harrowing posts about my addiction and being raped as a boy that I never used to allow myself to even acknowledge in my own mind...and here I've gone and written about it publicly!
I'm sure you you have run accross people who aren't in their right mind and who have written me some pretty weird and scary 9Stalky) kind of stuff and that can be a discouragement but ultimately it's the people who are really hurting that I end up thinking about in the end. They are worth the pain and discomfort of re-visiting my past if it helps them...even a tiny little bit.
Thank you so much for your kind words Christine...they mean a great deal. Peace Always...