Friday, September 16, 2011
Enough of the Fluff!
C'mon now READER...don't BS me....you don't stop by this lonely little Blog Spot to hear some lonely, middle age guy with a paunch drool on about how he appreciates his Dad! What's next "I miss my Mommy" and want to still sleep with my freakin' Teddy Bear?! You came for the PAIN...didn't 'Ya?! I know you did...
Your wondering where the Heartbreak that usually fills these pages has gone..."where did all that FEAR you always write about go?" You want some ACTION, the trembling junkie craving more blow, trying to keep from shaking apart while he waits in a dangerous part of town for the dope dealer to meet him. All the while his paranoid mind is telling him there is a COP around every corner...until there actually IS.
Now the last couple of paragraphs are written, at least partially in jest but honestly, they ring closer to the truth then you might think...and not just for the reader but for me, as well.
I was a junkie all right...booze, dope, sex, but also an adrenalin junkie as well...I craved MOVEMENT, excitement...I couldn't sit still. To a certain extent I can feel that way nowadays too...a slow, casual and mellow lifestyle simply doesn't cut the mustard for this guy...NOPE! And those who really know me will understand that too...I need to fly.
Now please don't get me wrong, I was poking fun at the previous posts about family and my father...those truly were and are sincere representations of how I feel about him and sports in my life. But I just can't write about that here for ever...I need to feel the other side taking over and I just have to go there.
Speaking of writing here on the SHOCK, posts this weekend will be a little more scarce since Dad and I will be heading out to a Purdue Game tomorrow, the first one of the year for me. I may post from the road but you never really know how that is going to turn out time wise.
But I will give fair warning...when we settle back into the "normal" routine on Sunday, I suspect the subject matter of posts will take a turn toward the more serious side of life.
I have had a running debate in my head (and heart) for a long time about exploring more openly here on the blog the events leading up to and after my getting sexually assaulted. For a long time i have felt that it wasn't necessary to tell THAT story...it was not vital to the more important narrative of what happened after the fact since it was those incidents that really helped mold the kind of person I am today.
There were some very unusual circumstances, at least as far as "Main Stream" American Society is concerned and that feeds some of my hesitation to communicate any more detail. There were never any legal charges filed or any report to the police...the situation itself was definately illegal from the very beginning because of the presence of minors at a night club/bar where they were being served alcohol by adults...
I don't intend to open up a huge can of worms and create even more stress, worry and concern then there already is. My intention has always been to share information here when it can be helpful: Helpful to other people or helpful to me in terms of my recovery and/or healing.
So that is the dilemma and I'll have to see where that leads...since tomorrow is a "Football Saturday, I won't be around for my 9am Saturday Bible Reading Session at the Nursing Home...so I do it tonight at 6p instead.
That basically means that I have to get going so I can get ready and be there on time. Perhaps I will blog later...perhaps not, we will have to play it by ear.