Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Shock & Surprise
I wrote a post late this afternoon before I headed into church for a prayer group thing I attend on Wednesdays called "They Let Me In?" I was sharing my great surprise, sarcastically of course...that nearly 9 months after becoming a Christian they actually let me in the doors of a church.
I don't know what I originally thought but I was very tentative initially about going into a church...ANY church. I wasn't sure if I'd spontaneously combust or what, once I got inside. I was very nervous about this because for years I looked at Church, Christians and religion as the ENEMY and I attacked them verbally every chance I got. I mocked Christians and I ashamed to admit it Christ himself. I was full of self-righteousness and Hate, vile resentment, guilt and anger.
I felt judged by Christians so my reaction was to judge and HATE them back as hurtfully, as viciously and scornfully as possible. So when I became a Christian...I knew that Jesus forgave me but I still wasn't so sure I belonged in a church. I didn't think Christians themselves would be so forgiving.
I was so wrong about that. I know there are churches out there that are the perfect example of the hypocritical stereotype churches I always mocked and discredited. They had made it easy to justify my mission of scorn, anger and hate. But there are many churches and congregations that are different. I was fortunate to land at one of those amazing churches where they live by the Gospel.
They are not perfect but I'm have never felt uncomfortable there and I not only attend services on Sunday but prayer meeting on Wednesday and other functions when they happen. I enjoy attending more then I ever could have imagined and it has become something K-Sue and I really like to do together.
We have both been recently baptised and even though Kim has been a Christian all her life it really has renewed the bond of our relationship. It allowed me to let go of my mis-trust and fear of relationships that was a very negative side-affect of my marriage and divorce. Going to church together continues to be important and believe it or not...fun.
So I still am trippin' a bit on the fact they they really did let me in the church and even welcomed my Ex-Junkie Girlfriend too! It's almost too good to be true.
All fun and kidding aside I will continue posting on this subject of my conversion, church, relationships, etc in the coming days. It certainly has NOT all been fun and games living this new life. I am still trying to overcome my prejudices and resentment about the church but one day at a time...things are smoothing out for me.
It's still a bit of a shock and certainly a surprise for me, every time I go to church but the funny thing is nobody else seems to mind!