My folks are in the other room watching Gladiator of all things! The rest of us are hunkered sown, eating popcorn and just having a really nice evening on the lakeside porch. It been a really good visit with K-Sue's daughter and we have all had a really nice time.
As I sit here I can't help but think about the movie Gladiator...that movie has a direct connection to my drinking and drug using days. In the last months, I was doing a lot of Cocaine...by a lot I mean close to an eight-ball a day, some days. It was ridiculous how much dope we were snorting and how much alcohol I could then drink. I often would be up, awake all night by myself, cleaning the house, listing to music and watching movies and re-runs of the TV show The West Wing.
It was a pathetic existence but living that way probably saved my own life because I wasn't out driving around, hammered looking for excitement. This lifestyle of staying at home or a neighbor's house kept me from driving and more then likely getting a drunk driving (I never did, believe that!?) or smashing up the car.
Nope I just stayed in and got hammered....day after day after day. I watched Gladiator so many times I could repeat lines in real time with the actors. I would play certain scenes, usually the most violent over and over again. Slow it down, slow motion....so I think it's interesting that my parents had never seen the film. Of course they haven't a clue what this movie represents to me and if I allowed myself to dwell on it too much I think it would really bother me.
As is, it doesn't really bug me but I have not yet sat and really watched this film since then...I have a feeling it wouldn't be a good memory and would dig up negative thoughts about that time. I'm better off just leaving those memories on their alone...
So that is why we are doing our own thing tonight. Of course Gladiator is a bit much for K-Sue"s kid to see with all the violence and language. Anyway, we are having a good time on our own and I for one have really enjoyed these last couple of days. I'm sorry to see these two days come to a close and hope that perhaps we can do something similar a bit more often...
Good night for now and we will catch up in the early morning...
