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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

No Rhyme - No Reason

This week has started off as a rather active one...then again...they all are pretty active these days. I really like that and it feels good to be moving forward each day, I feel productive and know that good things are taking place.

The activity level here on Shell Shock serenade has also been a pleasant surprise. And... pardon the pun, a bit of a shock. The number of followers this blog has is quite low and frankly the last actual movement we had was backwards going from 25 down to 22 followers. This doesn't include FaceBook Followers and Network Blog Followers but those numbers are low as well. The shock is the number of daily hits we are receiving has nearly doubled in the last month! I have no explanation for that...a couple hundred people a day are tuning in. That my friends is very very humbling...

I have no explanation for that other then I know there are some people who choose not to publicly follow because of the rough and tumble (read:adult) content  and the nature of Shell Shock. Some people have expressed that they don't want family or friends seeing the link on FaceBook, etc. and getting the wrong impression. So I understand...

Frankly, I'm OK with the way things are going. Sure my ego wants me to have a bunch of public followers and something to show for all the time and effort I put into writing. But really...this isn't really all about me. I can stop laughing! I realize I've mentioned a hundred times here that the basic premise of this blog is to represent the life of a recovering addict (who just so happens to be ME!) in real time, no holds barred. So it IS about me...but also, it's really not.

It is about being open and honest in my desire to help others if possible by doing this. Yes I use my life and experience but it's really living and how we humans can do that, one day at a time to be something better then we once were. 

It's also about God...yes, I have to say that because I no longer see any separation in my life and God...I cannot have life, without HIM...for me it is that simple. That turns off a lot of people, who were like I used to be...they don't want to hear any Christian BS. It is one of the biggest dilemma's I have writing Shell Shock right now. Representing God and what he has done for me...and the realization that people who are like I was ARE receptive to some spiritual discussion and example...but do not care to have it shoved down their throats. 

It's finding that fine line between the two and staying tuned into my TRUTH that is difficult. I cannot, I will not lie or down play the role my accepting the Lord has played in my life today...Quite simply, it has made all the difference. What once was OK is now GREAT...that is the difference. I had NO answers, little hope, I was confused but I have answers to all the important questions, I have hope and I am not confused...things are great where they used to be OK. So that is what has changed...

The Christian "Hard Sell of the Gospel" drove me away when I was a practising addict/alcoholic. That is a simple fact and I am not OK with the idea of drawing a line in the sand and saying it's "this way or the hi-way" even though deep down that is truly what I believe. I am alright with easing the language (but NOT the true message) so the lost, hurting and sceptical folks out there can take hold of this information in their own way...much like I did.

So I try to be true to my story, all of it: The being lost, the God hating, self absorbed, selfish S.O.B. who cared NOTHING for others to the person who lives to serve his Lord by serving others, humbly and yet through this blog, publicly with No Shame.

So I really don't and can't worry about the number of followers the blog has, it is obvious that many people are reading it, that there are many who are interested in whatever message is being communicated here so I shall stay the course...because when all is said and done...I can't really do anything else.

(Painting by Winslow Homer)