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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Up Down Up Down Up Down...Up?

I have to admit here that I feel a whole jumble of emotions this morning and as of late. Feeling things intensely is not unusual for me nor is it really ever an it's the norm and I'm OK with it. What starts to make it different and potentially negative is those emotions are frequently running the spectrum for positive to negative and there seems to be no ryhme or reason to them at all.

I am having a hard time knowing if there is really something negative going on or if it is just a passing mood thing. You never really know and I have seen these kind of situations go either way...I have just learned from experience that it is important for me to maintain contact with my feelings and to continue to check on them from time to time. It is the way we keep things balanced from day to day emotionally. 

Maintaining balance, I've discovered is one of the critical requirements (in my opinion) to maintaining a healthy recovery. I have learned the hard way that when I am emotionally driven from one extreme to the other...well things can get dicey for me overall. That is why I must remain vigilant in keeping tabs on how I'm feeling, reacting and acting on a daily things don't spin out of control.

So that is what I have to deal with this morning...I know there is a bunch of emotional upheaval going on inside of me but I can't immediately recognize anything that may be causing it. There isn't some major issue that is directly affecting me but there is a lot of emotional stuff going on concerning Kim and her family, various relationships in my own life and the normal, everyday things that are always happening. I also remain involved in the lives of several people who are really struggling right now and go to the Jail every week. Yes...I am also concerned about the welfare of those men  who are incarcerated.

OK...I imagine there may be someone out there who just read that and is going "Huh?! What's the point in writing all that?".  I honestly think that it does show what I mean when I say I have to be vigilante in monitoring my emotions to keep balance. It was a significant learning in the recovery process for me to discover the importance of balance and how one can maintain that balance on a daily basis. Addicts/Alcoholics who are in recovery and those who are not are at times very emotionally stressed individuals and when I began to understand about balance in my life, is when my recovery started to really begin to work for me. 

So there it's a daily part of the life of a recovering addict/alcoholic...