Nightfall...darkness descends and the air feels like rain is in our immediate future...The end of a beautiful Summer/Fall like...a true Autumn Day.
There are times in my life where it feels like each day's goal needs to be just surviving and moving on to the next day in the chain...tomorrow. That life is meant as a survival course and the true reward lies after we pass on...in other words after we die. We go to Heaven and that is our reward....different religions have their own ideas about what happens after we die...some believe we just do this life all over again.
It is still hard for me to put a lot of brain energy and effort into figuring that theological and philosophical stuff out. At this point in my spiritual journey as a Christian, I am more suited to just acknowledge and accept that I need to use each day that I have here on earth to it's very fullest to serve my fellow man. And I feel incredibly fulfilled in doing so.
Until recently I never felt like I was really contributing anything to ANYBODY...I felt like the USER and TAKER that I was. I was in this life for ME and only ME. Honestly there was no true value in living that way at all...any pleasure I got from that life was so temporary...so fleeting that I was always left wanting...er, NEEDING MORE, MORE, MORE!
Today I really do NOT have to over think it...nope, I just serve others and there are so many different ways to feel helpful and useful. And I really like the feeling that I am contributing something to this world..that my presence actually counts for something positive. I knew back then that I was a user of people...I used anything I needed to satisfy my desire though deep down I knew it was wrong and I didn't feel good about it.
Today I feel more then satisfied to work for the benefit of others and let that alone be the beginnings of any legacy that might be left when I am gone. The only footprints I want to leave on this life are lasting remembrances of Hope, Faith, Love and Charity. If those are the types of things that I am remembered for...well I am moving in the right direction then.
(A Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh)
