Saturday, September 17, 2011
On The MOVE...
Movement..."not stationary" or sitting around in one place...the opposite of stagnant, perhaps? Perhaps...
I got to thinking about movement the other day when I was writing a post called: Confusion Reigns, I Flood....
The concept or notion of movement at first glance appears to be a significant one when looking back at my behavior historically right to the present day.
For the longest time I think I kept moving to keep The Hell Hound Off My Trail...so to speak. I felt like trouble or evil or whatever was following me, snapping at my heals.
Then there is the current day notion of moving forward...that I believe it is essential for me today to keep pressing forward, to keep trying to improve and NOT rest on any laurels. That it is better to be active and try something, yea...even fail at that endeavour then to sit, stagnant, doing nothing at all. And I do see merit in that particular philosophy today, especially for recovering addict/alcoholics.
Inactivity can be a KILLER because it gives the addict time to think...well that IS a problem because left alone to my own devices, I can come up with a valid reason to do ANYTHING...including drinking or taking drugs. And for this addict, that is the equivalent to signing my death warrant and truly....that is no exaggeration!
The danger in all this focus on "movement" for a recovering person or someone trying to heal from a traumatic historic event like rape is translating that into the idea that it's OK to RUN from the problem itself. That we move SO MUCH that we are actually avoiding doing anything about it.There is real tangible danger in that and one needs to remain extra vigilant to prevent that from happening.
In recovery, we often use mentors or sponsors...people who have been clean and sober for awhile that can help a new person learn the ropes, provide some companionship, friendship and support along the way. Having a sponsor helped me immensely and particularly in the area of someone who could see or sense if I was indeed trying to "escape" or run from reality or responsibility while dealing with these things.
Because no one who has ever been in recovery or healing from sexual assault will ever tell you that any of this is easy...it just isn't. And human beings do have a natural tendency toward self-preservation that includes, I believe...preventing ourselves not only from physically being hurt but from being emotionally hurt as well. A sponsor helped point that kind of thing out because I was way too hurt and afraid to recognize this stuff.
A great deal of my time today, moving forward involves active mentor-ship/sponsorship not only in recovery but now in spiritual circles as well: Prayer group, bible study's...yes but just meeting someone for coffee and hanging out. Being a support to someone who is hurting can be hugely beneficial to that person...i know because it has really helped me over the years to have that support as well. It also is very helpful to the person doing the helping...we always say you have to give it away to keep it...a successful philosophy as I can attest to. I will go so far as to say that I wouldn't be here sober today without a sponsor myself and without sponsor someone else...
I still meet on Tuesdays and Thursday's with two different men where we get together, talk and discuss our lives: spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological. I find it as beneficial, probably even MORE so now then it ever was before.
So that is how "movement" affects my life today. It started out as a basic sense of 'moving to survive' and has transformed in to something much more helpful and complete today. But I still believe it is essential to keep moving forward...always forward.
(Painting by Vincent Van Gogh)