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Friday, July 22, 2011

Holy Roller Batman, It's Raining!

Rain....When the rains came and washed our tears away....or something like that. There was a 40% chance of rain this afternoon and honestly we had heard that before. But it actually rained...for like 5 minutes, enough to get everything wet, turn things steamy when the sun re-appears and basically get everyone"s hopes up for nothing. was rain.

We would need like 4" or so of rain over the next 3 days to even make a dent in how dry it is right now but it was encouraging to get even a little bit of moisture this afternoon...It's been thundering a lot but that hasn't meant much. it's like a politician, they talk a good game but when it comes down to getting results...well there aren't any! Same situation here with all this thunder and stuff...

I have not really even caught a glimpse of the Black Dog in the last few weeks or so...things have been going well. When there have been issues, well we seem to be able to work them out whether they are just isolated, solitary things involving me or issue w/K-sue or family or friends. I'm not naive enough to think that my Depression (Black Dog) won't ever rear it's ugly, black snout in my grill again but this time seemed....more tolerable with less lingering or permanent damage.

Weekends are rather surreal for me and I almost feel guilty saying anything about it. Because I am retired and disabled I don't work a steady job obviously and not having that weekly routing changes one's perspective on time and really alters the meaning of the "work week'. All 7 days are actually work week, there isn't a weekend per say...

Now I realize that statement might catch a few people off guard who expected me to say that there isn't any work week at all and my life is one big weekend...naw, that isn't my life. Perhaps some people operate that way. The biggest change for me is that I am independent in everything I do. I set the schedule which in the past wouldn't have been a good idea because I would have scheduled "drinking" in for most of the day and night...I know not funny but hey, it wasn't meant to be.

I have so many commitments right now that combined with my writing it feels like a full day. It still can feel odd to be so un-attached yet that is my life right now and I have done well to get used to it and remain quite productive.

There was a time, not so long ago where a good deal of my self-worth and self-esteem was wrapped up in my career. I feel NONE of that was so unhealthy and unproductive to feel that way. it was just one of many examples of what NOT to do in life. But there really isn't any training for being independent in our society, for growing up, working and being responsible. I think I was doing my best but I was mis-guided and my priorities were totally outta whack!

Today it's not like I have it all figured out but i think with age and wisdom, perhaps comes a more relaxed and confident approach. I'm also not drinking. In the past i was always trying to take care of my responsibilities so I could be irresponsible and drink all the time...a lose/lose propisition in my opinion. And LOSE I did...

Well after writing all that i'm having a moment where I'm feeling kind of stretched...uncomfortable so perhaps I spoke too soon about the Black Dog...We'll see. Gonna jump in the shower and steam some of the pain away if possible. I've been pretty much in agony all day...until next time.