This series of posts about relationships, commitment and marriage will now number three with the addition of this post. The first being: An Out-Dated Expectation? followed by the post from this afternoon: Why Bother?! Love Is PAIN! This will be a continuation of those two. The reason this post topic became three separate pieces (and possibly more) is because I couldn't just spit it all out in on continuous flow so I ended up posting what I had when I had it. I imagine it may even stretch into another post or so.
So back on topic...
Though I have made some great friendships in the last 5 years and have tried to be a been a loyal/trusting friend, I still had some very deep and dark hesitation when it came to a committed relationship for myself. As I have mentioned numerous times here on the SHOCK that Kim and I were very close friends and companions. It was the deepest, most committed relationship, in all honesty that I could offer her. Honestly, in hindsight it was the deepest committed relationship that I had EVER had and it is ironic that it did not include a a sexual component...we were "best friends and companions" She accepted that and said she was not going anywhere.
I can say this now but I really couldn't see myself ever going any farther then that. I was too mistrustful, still hurting and I did not think very highly of the notion of commitment...I wasn't going to be hurt again if I had anything to say about it.
As I sit back and read through what I've just written it occurs to me that this is not the first time in my life that something quite good and positive was right there in front of me, obvious for every one else to see...but ME. I completely missed it...
This long time friendship, in taking as much time as needed to build trust and continuing to grow in recovery and as a person lead me directly down the road to the relationship we have today. A great many people who know me have said and will say: "we knew it was a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship all along, it couldn't have been anything else.....Actually that could not be further from the truth. We simply were not romantic in any form or fashion: no sex of course but no kisses, hand holding or snuggling. That element wasn't there. We were just the tightest, closest, most trusting kind of friends one could ever have...
Friendship and trust building combined with patience were the components that have made our relationship different then anything that I have ever experienced before. Kim and I needed time to grow...I for one needed a LOT of time and that was key.
The other ingredient that was missing from our relationship was a shared passion and commitment to God. I know, I know...there is a whole bunch of eye rolling going on out their in Blog Reading Land because I have referenced "Him" again...sorry, can't help it. My faith and belief in God really has become a part of me and my story, I can no longer separate them and I cannot in good faith/honesty leave it out for fear of chasing anyone away. Just know that this is my story and I do not judge or suggest that anyone must do as I've done...no, this is what happened to me. God was a last resort...yet it was the thing that ultimately saved me...these are simply the facts of my life...facts are facts.
Anyway, K and I share the same commitment to FOLLOW the Lord. Bringing that faith into a relationship is something I had never even considered before...yet it has had a profound affect on me personally and our relationship. It is the one thing that tipped the scale, the balance in a positive way. Sharing God also allowed me, almost without hesitation to lay my fear, resentment, anger and poor attitude toward marriage and committed relationships aside. The end result being two weeks ago I made a commitment to Kim and I guess you can say we are now boyfriend/girlfriend...and much, much more.
Time, patience and growth are still important factors in our lives together today...but our lives are very different now. We share a life in a way and are ready for the next step...HUH?! Did I just say that? No...it couldn't be....ME!? Ahhhh....yep, I really did. That is the most amazing thing...I am focused now on a future together...all the negative thoughts and fears have been removed, virtually overnight. How in the world did THAT happen...
Was it a God Thing? What do you think.....
