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Thursday, July 28, 2011

LOSE/ LOSE Scenario

There are times in my day to day life, sometimes it's a day other times it may be just a moment where I have a hard time just keeping myself from spinning off the planet. It is NO secret that I wear my emotions on my sleeve...they are ALWAYS there, just beneath the surface...lurking, just waiting for the opportunity to unleash themselves on the unsuspecting world. That is certainly a frightening matter what the situation, scenario or location. I used to try an find appropriate places to "let it blow'....

These days I make a maximum effort to not let it blow at all but to work those emotions out more constructively instead of letting them just go off. It is a much more positive approach, let me assure you though I hardly have it under any kind of regular control...each experience is unique and an...adventure.

Keeping one's perspective in this fast moving, chaotic...sometimes not so fun world, can really contribute to how well my day to day life sometimes goes. I would say the most unpleasant and unsettling aspect of living for me is dealing with other people. I dislike it...they rarely do what I'd like them to...or act as I would prefer...etc., etc. I know in my mind that I can't control others but so often in life conflict arises anyway and it is hard to just walk away. Even though walking on would be the wiser of all possible choices. Oh but I am not often the wise one...

But I have a flaw that rarely let's me do that...I will fight a battle to the bitter end merely for the sake of principle. Rarely is there EVER even the remotest sliver of satisfaction from engaging in that type of mis-communication. It's a no-win situation or as I like to put it: A LOSE/LOSE Scenario...where no one ever wins and everyone always loses...even if their right!

I engaged in one of those situations today and I really regret it...what a terrible waste of time, passion and energy. And for WHAT?! To get the better of someone I do not even know, who literally means nothing to me in any real sense. But because I felt I was wronged, I proceeded...ACH. Again there was no satisfaction or closure at all really...Plus it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth anyway. I simply do not like is especially unpleasant when the situation never warranted it in the first place. Occasionally there will be something truly worth fighting for...this was not one of those times! It's an absurd situation, one I should have let go but I felt wronged on principal and still do really so I pursued it against my better judgement...and got more unpleasantness back then I know what to do with. And the worst part is I knew better, history suggested so but somehow I think "well this time will be different, honesty and reason will prevail!

Well it didn't and the whole thing bugs the crap out of me because I do not like acting or feeling this way for any reason, ever. So it becomes another in a long history of lesson's to be learned, I suppose. I draw a meagre bit of comfort, I suspect from the fact that these type of situations happen to me with much LESS frequency then they used to. I suspect progress is being made but the perfectionist in me only sees the failure...what JOY!

Oh well, life itself goes on and tomorrow is another day. Perhaps we can muddle through it without sh*tting in our own mess kit, as my father loves to say! So long, READER until the NEW DAWN...