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Thursday, June 9, 2011

15 Minutes

15 minutes is what I have available time wise before I need to leave for town. I'm heading in for my standing Thursday morning get together with a friend to talk and read about spiritual....stuff. It isn't just a bible study, it isn't just breakfast or a chat, a weekly, it's all of those things rolled into one.

I am still skating, as it were on thin ice emotionally and psychologically. I feel "at risk"...I don't trust my emotional "comfort level and feel like I'm living way too close to the edge.

So considering all of that I suppose it is a good time to sit down and talk with someone I trust but then that is part of the emotional dis-connect that I am feeling: I don't feeling very trusting, even to one of the most close and trusted people in my life today.

I have spoken about emotional, psychological and spiritual "warning Signs", things that happen and when they do it demonstrates the fact that all is not well with me...My having feelings of mistrust towards one of my closest friends in recovery and in life is certainly a warning shot over the bow of this ship that is MY life!

But what does it mean? What am I forgetting? Or what am I NOT doing or doing too much of. Have I taken my eyes off GOD? Perhaps I have and when I do take my focus off my Creator I am NOT centered, therefore balance is non-existent and I am in big time trouble, really with a capitol T!

All good questions and I do not have any solid answers to them at the moment. We will see after I get back...