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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Difficult Choices

Tonight is the last episode in a series of a DVD Series called NotAFan that I am attending at a small group bible study/study group. Typically I have been going to a group that meets at the same time at is a study/bible group as well but there are differences. I'm quite close with folks in both groups but the church group was my first contact with folks after I became a Christian. I'd like to be able to attend BOTH groups but since there is only ONE of me (One is all the world could handle, trust me!) I have to decide....

Which brings me to a subject that is really relevant, especially to me since I have been in recovery from Alcoholism/Drug Addiction. Having to make the right choices in's funny but everyday, run of the mill decisions can become life/death decisions for a person in recovery. Sound like I'm exaggerating? I am really not...

A choice to go hang out at a bar for dinner/drinks w/friends for example. Today that isn't a big deal but the first 18 months to 2 years of my sobriety it was a HUGE deal. I could go, drink and honestly no one would see me again alive...just like that.

For Alkies that is a major stumbling block...I had to realize that it just wasn't a sound and sane decision to go hang out around places where booze is served. Eventually I would want to drink and once that started it truly meant trouble for me.

Today I have other choices, they are important to my life in that they may affect my spiritual growth or opportunities to they are important.

By nature I'd rather avoid making hard choices, like this one tonight. I can't lose either way....I also can't win either way. No matter what direction I choose to go in, I will feel like I've let someone or something down. I cannot avoid it.

Funny thing is I already know what I'm going to do...I just don't want to announce it on the Internet, I figure I should let the groups know personally.

Continuing on the subject of choices though, I have had to make decisions and how I make them in my life a real priority because my natural inclination is to avoid making them at all. Plus I always check my motives for doing what I do because I can get really selfish and self-centered so I've found it wise to always know WHY I'm doing what I'm doing in.

I truly try to keep growth and change at the fore front of my daily life today. I do strongly believe if I'm not moving forward in this life then I certainly am retreating/back-sliding.

I find it easier to go through this process today then I did several years ago...that's progress. So I feel positive about that.

In a post yesterday I alluded to a situation that really is a decision that I can't even share here on Shell Shock. This is a huge decision with potentially devastating results if it doesn't go well. I am not alone in this situation and frankly it is one of the hardest things. My intent isn't to tease by alluding to it here, truly it relieves pressure when I can share something, ANYTHING about it openly.

Prayer, meditation are my only recourse and I've relied heavily on both options....Time will tell how this goes and time is a factor because there is a sliver, a window that will ultimately close in this form if something doesn't happen. I will have a chance tonight to discuss it with a friend so that should be help...

OK, I'm off to town....