I actually have a seminar all day today and probably won't be posting though it's possible I could kick out a couple "mobile" updates. Because of this, I wanted to quickly post this morning so folks that care about me won't think I've completely gone off the deep end. Nope, things are going along pretty smoothly...
But the feelings I experienced yesterday and expressed in last night's post are real. I have moments like that and in the past they were devastating because I didn't realize they were fleeting, temporary. No, I thought I was doomed to feel that way forever.
I have been asked why I don't take Anti-Depressants and the reason is simply that I have made the choice that they are not for me. Many people take them and they get wonderful results...I certainly have no issue with that. I took them for the for 6 months of my recovery while I was really trying to figure out if I was truly CRAZY or an addict/alcoholic who had MOMENTS of insane feelings and behavior. Through much thought, prayer and therapy I concluded it was the latter and that has proved itself out in the past 4 1/2 years...
But with such a decision comes responsibility and the requirement for continued diligence & awareness, primarily because of the potential for moments like I experienced last night. I have to be prepared for episodes of Depression or as I call it "My Black Dog" and know what to do when they occur. Pray, communicate (To other people personally, on the phone AND through the blog)/talk it out and realize that it will pass if I don't isolate and start feeling sorry for myself...
And that is what happened. And I sensed last night as I was posting that it would work out that way as well, hence my desire to NOT blog about it. But I had second thoughts because One, I needed to get it out of my system and blogging is an effective way to do that. Two...I do want to represent what I feel as I'm feeling it22, warts and all. I have tough moments...yep, even after finding a personal relationship with God and nearly 5 years of recovery I can really struggle.
I thought it need to be included on The SHOCK and though I am a bit embarrassed that I can go so quickly from doing well to....NOT doing so well, it does demonstrate that you can deal with such an experience without drinking or going off the deep end.
And so know that you know that I am alive and well (and really busy today!) you'll have to excuse me as I head out to help my buddy Marty for a little while before heading over to the church for the day. Peace...OUT!
