It it feels good though I couldn't do it (Hang out at home) a lot...Truth is I enjoy being busy and it's healthy for me (if you know what I mean!). But for a change of pace, what a wonderful way to re-charge the batteries.
The truth is that often in the past I never gave much, if any thought to such things as taking a rest day to putter. I hurried through life, rushed, eyes bugging out, stressed to the my very limit, just hanging on to sanity by a thread. Now I can't remember why I was in such a hurry...
I really believe that I looked at life as something to be endured...the only goal was survival. How unhappy I was and no wonder. No God, no hope, no joy nor adventure and certainly no love. I wasn't capable of giving it so any love offered was rejected out right by my arrogant self serving life-style. I was to "involved" to reciprocate love and affection.
And a miserable existence is what I got in return. Oddly I thought I was taking the simplest most direct route in life. I was so wrong...Though giving of oneself and loving others takes effort, the rewards of doing so are so great that in return it truly seems effortless to do so.
The joy relationships bring to life is one of the great discoveries of my new life. Honestly, though saying it here smacks of drama and exaggeration, I am totally amazed by the transformation in my life. Everyday it seems I discover so cool little aspect of life that i really never knew existed.
Yes, colors are more vivid and songs sound sweeter, people who I was sure would have no use for a guy like me are today some of my closet friends. I have stopped judging people before I ever give them a chance to be themselves and since doing so I have realized that for years I judged folks incorrectly. And here I held myself up as some great example of a person with an open mind....
Hah, I was only open to something if it served a purpose for me to do so. I was a phony, a poser, the consummate faker really. I just couldn't allow myself to let my guard down. I was so convinced, deep inside that I did not measure up that I lied about who and what I was. I think the greatest relief of all in recovery and now as a Christian is that I don't have to pretend to be anything more then i really am.
I cannot even begin to explain what a difference that makes in my life today...
Well, I've got a few hours of daylight left and another chore or three that need my attention outside so I'm going to close this post down.
It really is funny how these post topics seem to come together by themselves in a way. I typically don't sit down and think: Hmm, I going to do a series on how I sobered up and began a journey that lead me to a new spiritual life. Nope, I really never do that but in reality that is how it seems to come together...I kind of like that!
