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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Process Of Review

As regular readers realize by now I have a tendency to analyze, perhaps even over-analyze the decisions I make and the things I do on a daily basis. It sort of comes with the "recovery" territory where I am conditioned now to evaluate my behavior, my actions and my motives daily. That keeps me on a more even keel and yep, keeps me balanced, which I've found critical to enjoying a fulfilling, productive and enjoyable life...

The last couple of days but today especially I have just really felt under the weather and it affects me in a big way. I really am sick to my stomach and my digestive system has really given me fits. So I've stuck close to home and had even more time then usual to ponder the goings on in my life.

Lately I have really attempted to "amp up" the time I spend giving to others in a more formal sense. I'm really excited about it and have mentioned a couple of things about those activities here on Shell Shock like volunteering at a Nursing Home in town. I've taken on some more "scheduled" responsibilities as well. And yet that seems to be an area that really can stress me out and that really does concerns me.

Though I haven't blogged a lot about it, I have mentioned at various times my physical disabilities and limitations that are related to my damaged back, neck, legs and now more seriously, the progressng Neuropothy in the feet. I tend to take it (the pain and limitations) for granted so unless I'm really unable to function, it's business as usual and I just push through the pain and discomfort.

One of the ways that I have naturally compensated for my disabilities is using the flexibility that comes with retirement to just stop working when I have to or do something else and come back to a job or chore that is bothering me. I have used that flexibility in my schedule to my advantage for many years but now that has changed....

Lately because of the increase in scheduled commitments, I haven't been able to do much of that and there has been a dramatic increase in the level of pain discomfort plus a significant loss of mobility. I also tend to not feel well when that kind of thing is happening because I need to take anti-inflammatory such as Ibuprofen that really wreak havoc on my stomach which I am having issues with already!

I know this sounds whiny, self serving and some folks will who are working 14 hours a day aren't going to have a lot of empathy for me. I lived that way myself for many years, working those kinds of hours and I would have not been very sympathetic either. But this is the hand I've been dealt and when I notice things turning a bit negative experience (IE:PAIN) has shown me that I need to NOT ignore such warnings, hence my thought process today.

Ironically I've just spent 25 minutes on the phone with a good friend discussing this subject. That was incredibly helpful and though it hasn't resolved all the concerns I have, I need to go jump in the shower because I have a small group meeting at 6 in town. I'll pick up on this in another post...