I could write a lot of stuff about my dad but tonight I was just thinking about being a dad. I love my kids, I'm proud to be their father, they are wonderful. But this subject unfortunately like a lot of things in my life is complex. I was not always a very good or attentive father.
I've certainly done and especially said things that I am not proud of to my two kids. I think it's natural for parents, father's in particular to think they could have done this better or that better. I know I could have done a lot of things better. I am just grateful that I have a trusting and loving relationship w/my children today...
I have on several occasion's sat down and started to write a post about the impact of my addiction/alcoholism and the behavior associated with it on my children. Even though I feel humiliated by my actions at times, I have made amends to both of them and I'm able to move on. But I realize the only TRUE amends I can make to them is on going: That would be continuing this life in recovery and growing our relationship.
But somehow I just cannot follow through with it, I just can't put that stuff out there for everyone to read. I don't want to cause my son/daughter anymore pain. And in a certain way I don't feel it's my story to tell, I mean, yea it is but since they are so personally involved in it I feel it violates their privacy. Perhaps some day that story can be told...
So in closing I am really privileged to be a dad to these two great kids of mine. God bless 'em both and I think they know how much they mean to me. I love you both...Dad
