That is the downside to writing whatever pops into my mind, I may have 40 minutes of thought but only 10 minutes in which to write...such was my dilemma this morning. I wanted to get down what I could and hoped I would be able to pick it up when I had the chance. It appears that I do have a chance, right now!
I woke up this morning feeling rather detached, distant...feeling like all of my emotions were an arms length away from me. It was NOT an uncommon circumstance, I feel that way fairly often. What really got me thinking though was yesterday after noon and evening, I was feeling everything very intensely, like I was completely immersed in all of my emotions and that it would be impossible for me to seperate the intellectual/physical reality from my emotional reality.
I had control over the emotions it is just that they dominated how I was feeling and therefore how I was re-acting. It is during these periods (Yes, this too is a rather frequent occurrence) that I am prone to jump of the handle and react with anger or get resentful if a person doesn't react the way I would like or expect them to.
Both of the scenario's are extremes...my "norm" or desired state of being is somewhere in between where I react emotionally but with reason. Where I am able to combine my intellectual mind with my emotional side. That does not happen as often as I would expect or like it to.
I do wonder if other folks think about crap like this? Is it a bunch of hooey or is it really healthy to be taking a look at how I really do react to certain situations. I believe that I benefit from knowing why I am the way that I am. It helps me learn what works for me emotionally and intellectually.
It also provides perspective and I can sure use that to help me along the way. Honestly I think I now notice this difference because I started to pay attention to WHY I was doing or reacting a certain way. I do not think this is over-kill to monitor my behavior, intellectual or emotional. It has become habit and transparent most of the time, except of course when i decide to blog about it!
So I do hope I was able to flesh my original thoughts from this morning out a little more. The timing was less then desirable but I think when I think and feel when I feel so I must take it as it comes. It's interesting to me because it really has started to make sense and I think I've improved my actions, behavior and attitudes because of this increased awareness. And that improves my recovery, which really means that it improves my life.
And that is what I'm all about doing these days...improving life!
