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Wednesday, June 22, 2011


It has often occurred to me that I knew very little that was truly certain in my life...other then pain. Pain was the constant common denominator for the equation that was ultimately my life. It was always there, I could count on it, ha, if I'd ever want to count on it. But other then the pain, I really could not think of anything else that was constant and dependable.

Certainly not the people in my life. Though there were some good folks but they were human and they looked out for themselves. I was disposable, especially to my wife at the time and she did just that: disposed of me. Intellectually I understand why but that didn't stop me from feeling resentment towards her. After making amends during a conversation with her a couple years ago, I no longer carry and resentment or hard feelings.

My job, family, the weather, money, possessions...NONE of those things satisfied me in any way. No I have discovered that only comes from within, it's a gift from God. In Christianity I believe God through the Holy Spirit is IN me and honestly the peace I feel, calmness even in very difficult and trying times like I felt recently. I still felt poorly but there was a genuine sense things would get resolved.

So today, though I still know constant and daily pain I also know I walk with the Lord for he is truly with me at all times. Laugh if you like, I would have laughed my fool head off a year ago if anyone had suggested the same thing to me. So that truly is my comfort and my strength tonight knowing that right now, no matter WHAT...He Is With Me.

So I no longer have to pretend I'm happy when my life is crumbling down all around me. No I look to him for guidance and strength and he shows me the way. My job today is a simple one, to sense the NUDGE and FOLLOW. Follow him no matter what the cost, no matter where he leads and no matter how long it takes. It does sound like quite a sacrifice but considering the's no a sacrifice at all.