I don't pretend to be an expert on childhood fairytale nor do I have much of a memory. I know there was a line about a "spoon's running away" with something in one of the golden oldie fairy tales, possibly one of Grimm's, I don't know. What I do know and the reason that I am writing about this drivel in the first place is that I somehow seem to have lost my sense of humor.
For today certainly but now that I think about it, I realize that laughter has not come easily for me recently. THAT is most certainly unusual for me. I typically am a goof-ball, I have a tendency to see funny stuff when no one else does. That either means I'm crazy or I have a creative sense of humor. I'll go with the latter, thank you very much...
Why...Hmmm, I'm not sure. It is true that I have gone to the same funeral home 3 weeks in a row to pay my respects to dear friends or in one case the a good friend's Mum. Though it is sad to see them pass, in all 3 cases they were in their late 80's and quite ill. All of them were ready to pass and had lived full, eventful lives. there was no tragedy in any of them passing on, at least in my eyes.
It could be the miserable, hot sticky weather but NAW, I don't think that's it. Weather may irritate me a bit but I don't loose my sense of humor over it...
Perhaps it's a residual effect of the Black Dog (Depression) who visited me last week and I suspect there is some truth to that suggestion. I feel heavy inside...not depressed or down, just a bit road weary I think.
I physically feel much better then I did before the surgery but there have been some complications...I haven't felt that good lately and the last 2 days have been pretty difficult. I suspect that is just another part of the recovery process so I just keep plugging away.
I try not to get overly alarmed about this type of thing but since I have had some MAJOR bad Sh*t go down emotionally in my life and in areas relating to my alcoholism, I must be vigilant in monitoring my moods and behaviors. There are certain "warning" signs when I'm not feeling right and though it hasn't occurred often, "feeling heavy" and not feeling like laughing are huge warning flares for this recovering addict/alcoholic. Something is indeed UP.
So...I don't no what it all means but I'd sure like to have my sense of humor back, because I really miss it. So if you happen to see it wandering aimlessly around the country side or looking really out of place in a crowd, please let me know...I'd like to start laughing again.