Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Early Morning Pancake Obsession
I think most reader's here at the SHOCK, with the exception of brand new visitors know that i am a recovering addict/alcoholic who has been in recovery since June of 2006. And without going into a whole bunch of detail, which will take for ever...you can just assume for the sake of this post that I am very experienced with going through withdraw from alcohol and drugs. Trust me...I'm WAY more experienced at it then I would like to be...trust me! SO it goes without saying that I don't throw terms like withdraw and recovery and other related terms around loosely.
So it was all the more disturbing this morning when I woke up and realized that I was indeed in total withdraw and related shock for a steaming hot stack of good old buttermilk pancakes...yea, you heard that right, pancakes! I am craving those cakes right now just like I used to crave a drink! Well...not quite because I'm not physically addicted to buttermilk pancakes but man I sure could use a stack of 'em right now.
And the funny thing is...even though i am obviously kidding about this right now...it is not FAR from the truth. It is truly part of my personality to CRAVE stuff like that...and the physical intensity of that desire is WAY out out of proportion with how I should actually feel about eating a certain kind of food.
And that my folks truly is a example of my addictive personality/nature/disease and how it manifests itself into my life around something completely normal and ordinary. I want those pancakes and I want the NOW...and then I proceed to obsess about them: how they would taste, what kind of maple syrup I'd put on them, whether i want bacon or not and on and on.
And truly my point this morning in writing about this (besides the fact that I wanted to lighten things up a bit from the hard core reality of rape) is to demonstrate or at least represent to people that even though I've stopped the drinking and drug taking...I am still aware of the addictive nature of this disease of addiction.
I am not in anyway comparing pancakes to booze or drugs...I was going for humor there but the cravings and obsessing are indeed similar. And the point truly was to illustrate how the addicts mind plays a huge role in all of this.
Typically...and this is usually no different then with drugs either...when I get to the point where i can actually go and get a stack of pancakes...more often then not...they are a disappointment. Yep...a big letdown and it almost never fails!