Today I have written two posts (here and here) that quite frankly were a long time in coming, both on the subject of becoming a more humble man and doing the difficult "legwork" involved in making those changes stick for the long haul. I have tried to find the correct words in the past to make this kind of post work yet it just never did...tonight with some divine inspiration, they finally came together.
It can be tough looking hard at one's own behavior, especially when it's the really bad stuff from my drinking/drugging days. But I did it because I need to know how to keep from every acting that way ever again. Clearly sobriety and maintaining my spiritual well being are certainly the critical, absolutely essential pieces to that puzzle...
And that is how the nuts and bolts aspect of recovery works. Sure you physically GET sober and do what you have to do to maintain that. But ultimately the only thing in my opinion and experience that works is totally changing one''s life and finding a personal relationship with God. That is the only thing that has worked for me. Now I know others have found a different way and more power to them. It just didn't work for me.
But changing my behavior, specifically the areas I call "character defects" and incorporating a lifestyle of living in service to others has made all the difference in the world for me. And this is NOT a boring, unpleasant or punishing kind of life...no way. It truly is a blast. I have more fun and more opportunities to do things with interesting people then I ever did before.
There truly is something almost magical about helping others for no other reason then they need the help. It is an exciting life, I am involved with things now that I am really interested in. Plus I no longer live a lie...I am open and honest and I can't tell you how FREE that makes feel not to have to hide anything from anybody.
And I can be myself, just be ME...and that apparently is enough! I get almost giddy (definately NOT a typical behavior for me) just thinking about all this. I will continue to try and tap into more posts about what I am calling the Nuts and Bolts aspects of recovery in the next day or two. We'll see how much more info I can pull out about this side of recovery...the less noticeable but just as critical side of recovery.....good night for now!
(Picture of Pablo Picasso)
(Picture of Pablo Picasso)
