Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sweet, Summer Sweat
Once up on a time MDR (My Dear Reader), I thought I could hold someone so close...that I could pull them deep inside of me...melting as it were, two into one. The fragrance of desire, it 'tis...sun-tanned skin smell plus her own aroma of sweet, summer sweat...the lingering whiff of love and a now mostly forgotten romp in the sacred sand spot just out of view...
I mostly just feel sad and confused these days when I get to thinking about love
and romance...and yes, sex. My body tells me I'm capable...willing even but fearful. My heart is what I worry about...I never trusted anyone or anything...good...no, I never did. I wouldn't know how or where to begin that process then my mind just wanders away.
Lack of interest? Ahh, no...no way. Lack of focus? Perhaps, but I don't really see that as an issue. Fear would be my guess...I fear the intimacy and what it may reveal. I have often wondered if I am the living embodiment of "what could have been" Therefore I never will know the TRUTH of what actually IS.
Yikes...It seems as if I am really getting my head twisted around some complex possibilities and/or unpleasant realities...and at this hour of the day too! It figures that of all the time there is available in a day or week or year....I pick 4:30a on a Sunday morning in October to try and figure out My TRUTH concerning, sex, love and relationships. The notion would be totally hilarious, actually if I wasn't sitting here at this very moment trying to figure this crap out. Why do I do the things I do...I imagine that is an answer I am never going to find out.
So what do I do with all of this stuff...these thoughts, feelings and questions? Well I have no choice but to continue on pursing the TRUTH...inaction is not an option at this point. I cannot hide any longer from myself. So we'll keep moving forward down this shadowy trail through the darkened woods at twilight, hoping for a sign.
So MDR...what that means for you are even more posts about sex, love and relationships...I figure I'll keep throwing sh*t against the wall and seeing if something will stick. Yea...the pasta checking technique hi-jacked for personal, emotional use...who knew, eh?!
(PHOTO: Kathy Tomson)