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Monday, October 3, 2011

A Second Go At It...

Earlier today I posted a piece called We Destroy on relationships and and alcoholic/addicts, specifically MY relationships. During the course of writing that piece I used a recent example out of my really life to illustrate that even after 5 years of growth in recovery that I still had issues. I used a situation with my sister as an example.

I was a bit hesitant to use  a real life example that included other people but lets face it, the post is about relationships: It takes at least two to Tango! But I think in my reluctance to embarrass or put my sister on the spot, i held back on some detail making that post seem vague and the point I was making less clear. I'm sorry about that, sorry to readers and my sis.

But for sake of clarity I will elaborate just a bit. The situation between my making fun of my sister's favorite college/football team had been going on for years and I simply ignored the fact that it bothered her and hurt her feelings. My point was that even today I can be so self-orientated that I still missed the fact that I had gone to far in my teasing and she had had ENOUGH...

So that was the missing link of information. Typically I don't like to use friends/family member's by name here on the blog, especially when i'm giving an example of something difficult or potentially unpleasant. I shouldn't have done that here and won't in future posts.

It does illustrate the depth of influence that our relationships have on us and our lives. I now understand the importance of communication in relationships as well. I'm not suggesting that we can always avoid hurting each others feelings or that one has to always give in if someone doesn't like what they are saying. I do not agree with that at all. Just that I can do better and the result is fuller, more well developed relationships.

It can be tricky negotiating such things in life but the important lesson for me now is always to listen. Listening carefully to others and becoming a better listener has made a huge difference in me.

Tonight I go over to the jail for a church service and to inter-act and to share my story with the inmates. I discovered very quickly that one loses credibility in there  fast if they perceive that you are not listening to them. It was a good lesson to see and to learn. So perhaps I'll see you later...after I get out of jail.

(Painting by Vincent Van Gogh)