All right, I promise I won't beg for prayer or help this time around! This is just another typical post where I spill my freaking guts about some super personal thing that most folks would never talk about...
I used to be a loner...to the extreme. Anti-social, un-available...CHECKED OUT of everyday life. Even before the acceleration of my addiction, I was an individual who liked his privacy. I was introverted, bookish though I loved the outdoors, hunted, fished and played sports all my life.
But when my life began to spiral out of control, I no longer could work...I started to limit my contact with other people to the extreme. Some of that certainly had to do with the fact that I was snorting a bucket full of cocaine every day. It's hard to hide the fact that you are literally climbing up the walls with nervous energy. I basically drank vodka all the time just to try and counter-act the coke. I can't begin to imagine what that behavior did to my heart...
By the time I tried to die, I had very few friends left and all but pushed my family away. By that time even Kim was out of the picture having gone away to deal with her own issues...with that last bit of human contact and control gone...I was gone.
Re-connecting with society was not easy. It started with getting sober and slowly but surely I have gotten more comfortable in my own skin...
Now I am out most days ministering to people, many of whom I did not know when I started this whole thing. I spend time at the jail, in the nursing homes, at peoples homes and soon will be conducting a bible reading session at the church, I believe on Tuesday nights at 6p if that time works with the church schedule.
How did I go from living in almost COMPLETE isolation to THIS? I don't know...but HE does! It has to be a "God Thing"....I can't explain it any other way.
I am still not what I would consider a natural public speaker or even an adequate one...no, I still need a lot of work. But I trust that I am doing the work I am supposed to be doing and yea, I pray and meditate before, during and after every situation I am in. And this seems to be working for me quite well. I am busy yet it is stuff I can work through with my disability which is always an issue. Flexibility is the key and I can do what i need to do to stay fairly active. But it is an unusual life style, no doubt about it.
We'll see what happens but I will admit that no one is more surprised or amused then I that I am actually preaching to a degree. Who would have EVER guessed that...
(Painting by Winslow Homer)
