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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Time To...Begin?

I can get as frustrated as the next person when my life moves in an unexpected direction, especially when it takes me to places that I would rather not go. I am learning first hand the difference between living a life focused only on self and living a life where you have partnered with someone else...literally two becoming one.

I am not married but the relationship that Kim and I have is one that spans 6 years time...and a lifetime of heartache, pain and most recently joy and growth. I learn something new everyday about what a real commitment to another person really entails. It is nothing that surprising and certainly nothing new...except it is new to ME as far as living it for real.

For the first time in my life I look at a relationship as a true partnership, certainly fitting into the biblical teaching that two become one when a couple marries. My past experience was nothing even remotely close to that. We compartmentalized our lifes: Mine, Hers...Ours. Slowly but surely the "Ours" part all but disappeared...

I can't say that sitting her today that I have a clear cut notion of what  I do expect out of marriage but I do know with certainty it begins with God. Nothing that "stands alone" has a chance of survival in this world today. My very own experience has proven that out time and again. But trust, communication, love...all those things only follow a relationship based on a strong spiritual foundation. 

Left to my own devices...well CHAOS will most certainly REIGN again! So basically I have been there and definately done that! I know it is time for a change in direction as far as relationships go.

In a lot of ways this complicates matters but it also eliminates much of the room and opportunity for misunderstandings...but there is a significant part of me that will just not accept that relationships can work until i experience it happening. And the proof of that is in the fact that it has taken me nearly 6 years to get to this place where I am even willing to try.

That is the remnant of the past...sorrow, mistrust...FEAR. It wants to keep all people at all times at minimum...arms lengths away. And I suppose that is really not surprising and in fact may indeed be healthy to begin cautiously as long as I am truly able to commit, to give of myself...

Can I give? Can I do it unconditionally? I haven't a clue for I have never really tried. I am willing though and willingness just may be enough for a good start...Time, once again will be the ultimate judge.

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