But when My life came crashing down as a result of my alcoholism/addiction I changed. My whole way of living changed. At first, I did nothing, i was afraid. Everything I had touched had turned to shit in a short period of time, I felt like I was shell shocked...sound familiar?!
Slowly, I started to learn new ways of thinking, feeling and believing...of LIVING. I learned to live a different kind of life. I became more...careful, more contemplative, thoughtful and tried hard to be less compulsive. I worked hard at those things, I failed a lot. I often fell on my face...hell, I was growing up for the first time in my life...at age 43.
I felt confused most of the time, mostly I tried to do my best to follow a philosophy of life that focused on humility, changing my behavior, finding and making amends for the hurt and emotional damage I may have caused. I really tried to do my best and I felt that the group of folks I was working with certainly were on to a better way of living then I was.
But I still had to live, each day. For a long time things were kept simple in my life...that was by design.
I slowly came around to a new way of living...I felt a bit out of my league yet I knew I wasn't alone, the first time in my life I EVER remember feeling that way...NOT alone. God was there...
The bottom line today is I took another step. For most people.....er,..Baah, no big deal. For me, it was a BIG deal. Huge, I was making a major financial decision, a positive financial decision, for the first time in a couple of years. And nothing BLEW up and I'm still here. And I'm visiting my son in Holland, MI tonight, in his new place.
Times are changing, they always are and always have been and you know what? I am NOT alone, NOPE. And I am not afraid.
Goodbye Red...Hello BLACK! I'm Back:In Black...