I MELT...

I melt...
I never knew why I felt things so...intensely. I just always have. A simple thought, will become a feeling that whispers to my soul and it melts me where I stand.

Imagine, going through life this way, always needing a towel close by...er, I jest! But seriously, I always wondered if I would explode from the inside out...if anyone could see the intensity I felt on the inside...seeping out.

I suppose that intensity explains a lot of my behavior over the years. Jeez, add cocaine to that scenario and you have: A suicidal, artistic genius meets the Sun, right in front of your very eyes! You simply NEVER knew what was going to happen...

That is the sole reason that the one person who was with me most of the last year of my using,who witnessed all the horror with her very own eyes...actually misses that "ME" sometimes. Because we'd go from Hell to Paradise in an instant and that Suicidal Genius that meets the Sun was the Conductor on that particular train. The problem is when the Coke runs out, the sun goes down rather quickly on Mr Conductor...and he melts, right before your eyes.

That is the reaction when emotional intensity meets cocaine/morphine plus a splash of Vodka to boot. And that is the author of the other side to the story of my soul: The evil whisperer...and the reason I must be diligent in my recovery because it's just waiting there for me...

So I accept the intensity and at times, I embrace it for it truly is part of me that was always real. It survived the hurricane that tested my soul and shines bright still in the sunlight of recovery. So, dear reader if you dare, accept this hand and come melt with me...


Melting Men Eco Art Display by Nele Azevedo's