A major financial commitment...Oh boy, this is the kind of stuff I didn't use to handle very well. Not the actual having $$ part but the decision making process part. Translation: I often bought stuff, major expensive stuff (like cars or recreational land up in Northern Michigan) without giving it any real thought at all. How in the world does someone do that? I don't know but I did....
And ultimately combined with my addiction and the behavior that went with it, the bottom fell out. As I've mentioned here quite often, part of being in recovery is building and living a new kind of life. A life that most folks in our society would call "normal". Save up for things, don't charge up more then you can pay, don't drink yourself into oblivion every day of your life...just little stuff like that!
Taking some time to talk and think through important decisions, large and small is another one. And one I did not do. I was impulsive...I wanted-I bought it, whether I could pay cash or take a loan, I just did it. Nike may want you to Just Do It but that isn't good advice when your buying land or a 50" TV or a car....you get the idea.
Well this particular decision (and sorry folks, I don't want to elaborate here, in public what I'm thinking about doing) has been in process since late October...so as far a being an impulsive decision: it's definitely NOT.
Which I find hilarious because my issue today is the opposite of what it used to be: I've worked so long and so hard at getting financially sound after picking up the pieces, I'm actually afraid to make ANY financial decision that involves a financial commitment. That obviously isn't as a bad an issue as compulsively buying stuff but again it's extreme, not realistic and something I also need to look at to possibly change.
At the moment making an important decision like this gives me a major case of the Willy's or YA YA YA's....So that is where I find myself today. If I look at it honestly, I have made some decent decisions along the way. I made some commitments but left some flexibility and I have had time to ponder all the ramifications. I don't feel as vulnerable as I have in the past.
I am also going to meet with a Tax person Friday to check on any ramifications there I might have overlooked...whoa, did I just say that? YIKES, I am thinking this through, aren't I?! Yep I guess I am and this was kind of the point of this exercise today with this post. This too is part of recovery...a HUGE part:
The lesson here is a simple one but it was NOT easy for me to learn: An important part of my recovery is learning how to do NORMAL everyday sh*t.
That is truly what it is all about...if I can't function in our society today who gives a RATS A** if I'm not drinking or doing drugs...Get that? Yep...I Sure Do, ODAAT!