Monday, February 7, 2011
Best Kind Of Life
Ever wonder if recovering alcoholic/addicts think about drinking or doing drugs? If so, how do they deal with that...doesn't it drive 'em crazy?!
As far as I'm concerned: The compulsive desire to drink/drug has been removed from me...it just isn't there anymore. And that simple fact still astounds me to this day.
For clarity's sake let me define "compulsive desire"...most addict/alcoholics know what I'm talking about here but it is basically the total obsession to drink/drug that we often feel as just a "normal" part of our everyday lives. It's one of the most powerful "Desires" I have ever felt, it was truly a compulsion. It is a total, all consuming obsession to use dope and drink...and yet for me today, that desire is gone.
That doesn't mean that I occasionally haven't felt like drinking/drugging. I have wanted a drink from time to time but usually it's been a rather rare occurrence in the last couple of years. And I truly consider that obsession being removed as a gift because I wouldn't be able to do it on my own.
As I have often mentioned here on Shell Shock, each individual addict/alcoholic has their own issues and program for dealing with their addiction. Some folks really struggle with this issue, while others...not as much.
I would say during the first year of my recovery it was a daily occurrence to want to drink/drug. There were days where I held on only by my finger nails...for real. It was a tough, tough time. But you take each day one at a time and that seems to break it up enough to seem...doable. "I can make it for a day..." Slowly but surely things improved...the key was to never give up. "Don't drink even if your Ass falls off..." is a popular slogan in recovery circles.
The main focus for me today is to not drink/drug, to keep identifying/rectifying internal (character defects) issues from the past, making amends for the past and living a life today based on honesty, service to others and faith in a higher power of my own choosing. Simple right?!
Yep simple...but NOT easy and it takes practice and good friends who are willing to help. But the life I have today is so positive, so far removed from that complete focus on SELF that I had before. It truly is the best kind of life for me...