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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Petulant BRAT

Yikes! The popping sound is cringe worthy all on it's own...if only it were only the sound, say of the imaginary light-bulb going on in my head signifying another brilliant, NO. 

Unfortunately, that crispy critter, my friends is my right knee making the sound it always does these days: a POP, crunch, CREAK, creak kinda grinding, yet partially rhythmic squish/grunge/crunk (no it's not music) thing that is really rather hard to describe, especially in print. Can you dig it?! Ooh, I knew you could...

Pardon, a brief interruption from a MADMAN:

I am totally sick and TIRED of feeling pain all the time (yelps the pathetic, whiny, schoolboy locked inside), in one damn part of this wretched excuse for a body or another of mine. And if I happen to have a "good" day, where the physical pain is somewhat at a minimum (a minimum that it is for me, it would make some folks scream then perhaps...vomit) then I have to suffer some sort of emotional or psychological freaking pain to compensate. ARGH! and ACH...

Hmmm, I don't know why I must do that but I do and I hardly feel sorry about, it is what it is. But folks,I really feel that way sometimes. As much as I like my life today, it can wear a person down, make one weary and struggle to continue on...

The reality truly is that: I don't really want to be cheerful all the time, to look at the cup as ALWAYS half-full, to smile when I am really sad but since I know it's really not the clerk at Walgreen's fault I won't take my misery out on them. Sometimes I want to be the petulant, whiny brat that wants all the attention for HIS F**king ouchy (though it may be another one of THOSE annoying emotional ouchy's that nobody but me, can see).

I think many if not all of us, in our society and elsewhere have days where we just get tired of it...fed up, frustrated and....Yea, perhaps it sounds good to just BAG IT, throw in the towel and show the MIDDY (middle finger, bird, the FU sign language sign), to the world!

But we don't...Nope, we persevere. We let it go or suppress whatever the urge to rebel is and get on with it. And mostly that is a good thing as long as we deal with the real issues that are bothering us somewhere down the road. Talk about them, perhaps in therapy or to a trusted friend. Exercise or write, create, play with our kids.

Or Pray...some people meditate or pray and find a great peace/serenity through that deeper consciousness with their Creator or with some, themselves. But realistically, just for me, there was no peace within myself until I allowed myself contact with my Creator...that is where I happened to discover the peace and serenity that had been missing my entire life...

There are many ways to take our negative energy and process it into something we can constructively work with or through.Everyone is different...I am still not in a place where I feel comfortable telling someone that MY WAY is best. I just can't do that, it is simply what works best for me. Often we can support those we care about but they need to find there own way...

But I'm here for them, just as many were there for me. And ultimately it is that feeling, my caring about others that tends to SNAP me out of a "woe is me" interlude and allow me some perspective: "Yes Thomas, you hurt...we all know that, it's unfortunate that you do but such is life, YOUR life. You need to accept that fact and move on". 

Ultimately it is your choice: Choose life, see the good in the world...use your pain to show compassion for another hurting soul. That may sound like a lot of "new age" hooey to some folks, it isn't. That philosophy, that way of thinking saves my life, it really does, every single day.

Because if I don't choose life, to LIVE...then I am choosing to die, slowly, emotionally and spiritually every day until I am a shell of a human being, nothing but flesh, blood, shit and tears.That is not what I choose to live for today...

Not me, I choose to LIVE, to the best of my ability ODAAT and even though YEA, some days really seem to suck, I've discovered through my Creator and others that I rarely if never learn NOTHING from life's ROUGH days. Every day has it's lessons in this classroom of life... 


  1. I think it is a good thing to vent your inner Calvin every once in a while.

  2. You are such a strong person even though it is obvious you don't feel that way ALL the time. None of us do...but...we LIVE.

  3. Shelby: Hey, it's so good to hear from you. I know it's your busy season at work so they must have let you out of your cage for air, that's cool. I didn't think I'd get another comment from you until late April!

    I will say this, on my own, I am not a strong person...with God he gives me the strength to persevere. When I need courage or strength...whatever it is, I immediately seek him...he he responds.