I Came HOME

Several readers have commented and sent in their favorite versions of O Come O Come Emmanuel which I posted about yesterday. It doesn't surprise me that this song evokes such passion and emotion in people...it certainly does with me. I have literally had that musical piece playing in my minds orchestra for almost 24 hours now....

I have noticed at times that a  classic, traditional hymn such as this can tap right into a specific time or memory from my past. For me that would be the years between age 6 and 12 while I attended St. Johns Episcopal Church in Worthington, Ohio. This is the place where I received my basic foundation in Christian learning. It is a place that has held incredibly good and some incredible NOT SO GOOD memories for me over the years. St. Johns is certainly a mixed memory for me.

This church was built in 1803 I believe and was the oldest Episcopal Church west of the Allegheny Mountains. It is a hauntingly  beautiful church inside and I have fond memories of it. My really bad memories, thankfully don't have to do with anything that actually HAPPENED in the church or by any one associated with it.

No, it just so happens that when I was raped at age 12 I attended church there and found NO SOLACE in GOD...I felt abandoned and outcast...in turn I blamed anyone and everyone...including GOD and his church, which to me at the time was represented by St. John's Episcopal Church. That was the end of church-going for me and all the wonderful, warm moments spent there faded to black...forever. Or did they?

I find it interesting today that when I heard that music yesterday and felt transported to another place...you guessed it dear reader...it was here, at St John's...that I was dropped off. And that was perfectly OK with me...I'll admit, I am a bit leery of jumping too quickly to positive conclusions where my PAST is concerned but I am getting a funny feeling that perhaps I have healed just enough now to be able to re-embrace some of these once hurtful and complicated places/experiences of my childhood. Especially those that at one time had a profoundly POSITIVE affect on me before darkness descended in the form of RAPE.

Last year I started thinking about St. Johns Church a great deal and a year ago August when Kim and I were there we stopped by to check it out. We didn't spend a lot of time there but we walked around the church, the cemetery and the grounds. Funny thing is that every time since that visit that I have thought of the church, in my memory it was always cloudy, dark and raining. But...

Yesterday morning as I swayed to and fro to the haunting strains of O Come O Come Emmanuel and found my self for the first time ever transported there on the wings of Angels...the SUN was shining bright once again and I knew then that this was no longer a dark place for me anymore. Nope, I'd just come home...