Relationships just hurt too much sometimes....And because they do, it is really hard for me to ever truly consider them a worthwhile entity in the end. I often think I truly am better off alone, completely by myself...at least when I hurt myself, I know I mean it and nobody is bullsh*tting or lying to me about it...I know people mean well but it never ceases to amaze me how often those same people who are the ones who should care about you more then any other will in the end hurt you the most. But hey...we forgive them...for they know not what they do.
I've hurt so deeply and so often in this raggedy assed existence called life that I have no more tears to donate to the soil of this lost planet of SOULS...shattered hearts cannot be pieced back together when they are already in a million pieces...sometimes you just have to sweep the "SOUL Shards"...the remnants of them under the rug and persevere with but a fraction of a Heart.
That is not to say I blame anyone for the way that I feel...I do not blame anyone but myself because I understand now that I earned all of this...it is but my CROSS to bear. And bear it I shall....
Straight up the rugged rocky stone path that twists and turns in tight spirals as it ascends the mountaintop that represents my life, in it's entirety...my own personal Golgotha. All that remains this day is dried blood on the rocks that once held THAT CROSS in it's sway...
A human wind chime spins and sputters while twisting in it's time..it mutters it's haunting dirge through-out all time and tests the metal of all men's SOULS...
On that dark and dangerous hill-top, the WATCH-MAN sees only me and you, my friend...he notices the tear-stained cheeks and blood-shot eyes and HE and only HE pines for the remnants of our collectively shattered HEARTS...Ahh YES, they are to be the main course at this BEGGARS BANQUET...where I am again the honored GUEST.
you can't blame yourself either... it's all just life and human nature... no way to do anything besides walk through the pain... I'm all too familiar with your words. now smile cuz you can!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. Yep, you're right, you can't blame yourself and ultimately while I most certainly take responsibility for my actions...I don't tear myself down about it. Any long time visitor to Shell Shock realize's that I tend to vent (I call it EMO-Ving short for Emotional Vomiting)by posting like this then will return to sort back through it all which I am kind of doing now.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for the remarks...
its all game of expectations....we just need to lower down it to nill...
ReplyDeleteGone- You're absolutely right...it's all about the expectations. And that is still an area where I struggle...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts!