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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Touched By MADNESS

I actually think I'm going to be able to write here without passing out onto my keyboard...

I have dealt with many difficult things in this current life of mine...some of them are the obvious things I've written a lot about here: being raped, alcoholism/addiction and Depression (My Black Dog). But as I alluded to the other day I recently admitted that someone I am VERY close to has a serious mental illness and I am completely at loss as to what I should do.

It's like I have been "TOUCHED" by this evil and very powerful unseen entity. It is almost as if there are multiple people and the person I am close to just disappear's when these other personalities intervene and take over. They do not seem to me anyway like a whole new separate person but the language, attitude and behavior is completely different in each one but there is a common denominator which is a penchant for cruelty...being cruel, wanting to provoke, to hurt.

This is a behavior that is in such contrast to the true nature and personality of this person that I cannot accept that this is happening. Yesterday I was involved in a terrible exchange that led to some of the most hurtful things being said to me followed by her punching me in the face on 2 separate occasions....

I have never felt so powerless to help someone in my whole life> I have seen the most hopeless addict/alcoholics find recovery and peace but I can't see that happening here, I just can't. It isn't my nature to "write people off" but this mental illness seems like such an insurmountable object to conquer right now that all I can truly do is prayer it is!

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