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Thursday, December 8, 2011

My SHATTERED Heart Screams OUT...

I just finished writing my early morning post this morning and sat down with a cup of coffee to finish reading the morning paper. Yes...i'm one of those guys that still likes to read a hard copy newspaper and probably always will be unless they get eliminated all together. 

Anyway, I sit down and and start to look through the sports page of the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette when my eyes land on a picture and article on the front page about how the former Penn State Defensive Coordinator, Jerry Sandusky was arrested again yesterday and held without bail on charges stemming from the accounts of two NEW victims who are grown now but were boys when he allegedly molested and raped them.

I don't know why but I began to read and I don't know any other way to say this but I just fucking SNAPPED...I'm mean I lost it! The article mentions how one boy who was part of the organization Sandusky founded to help dis-advantaged youth called The Second Mile spent nights at Sandusky's house and he stayed in a basement bedroom. 

The victim's Statement to the Grand Jury went on to say that Sandusky tried on 16 different occasions to molest and the article actually says this: "ANALLY PENETRATE" this boy. It went further to say he screamed as loud as he could because he knew Sandusky's wife was home upstairs but nobody helped him.

I couldn't read any further because of the tears streaming down my face...I'm crying now. Oh my GOD how I feel for this alone and abandoned he must have felt...and yes it brought a wave of remembrance of my own fear and feelings of abandonment when I was raped.

There was just something so incredible tragic about this boy, who was brought to Second Mile to help him and this MONSTER Sandusky does WHAT? This is how you help a disadvantaged youth by ANALLY PENETRATING Him? I'd shoot the son of a bitch myself right now if I had the chance....I just cannot believe this world we live in sometimes.

Here is a boy who must be thinking how fortunate he is to get into this program. He gets to go to the Penn State Football Games, go into the Locker Room, hang around the University. He must have felt really blessed and fortunate. And THIS is what he gets: anally penetrated.

My own shattered heart bleeds for this young man and the rest of those fellows who have come forward. I am happy that they were able to bring this tragedy to light and hopefully justice will be served.

Me? How do I feel about this now? It sure did tap into those feelings I still carry around with me about being raped...I felt those very same things..I too screamed out for help...and no one came. No one EVER came...I was so terribly ALONE that day.

And I think that is the reason that when I started to read this article this morning something inside of me just SNAPPED, it BROKE me all over again. I'm still shedding tears and I am shaking as I sit here...this truly breaks my heart to read how this went down. 

Where was Sandusky's wife? Didn't it seem at least a LITTLE ODD that he spent so much time with young boys one on one, even having them stay over at his house...and even take showers together?! makes me physically SICK.

I know this isn't the nicest thing to read but I feel compelled to post this because the story needs to continue to be told until the WHOLE TRUTH is out for all to see and read.

I don't know what else to say...I'm not sure how I will feel the rest of the day...this stuff really hurts me and I'm sure it hurts others who have experienced it for themselves as well. I feel like a flaming hand of HATE reached into my chest and ripped my heart out when I read about that boy screaming out desperately for help...and NO ONE CAME. Oh why...WHY?!`

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