Well that was a trip! About 90 minutes ago I sat down to write this mornings post. I checked e-mail, FaceBook...the usual stuff I do in the morning. Answered some correspondence...then and I barely recall doing this, I got up, wandered back over to my bed and laid down to sleep for another hour. A very unusual occurrence for me...even these days.
I take this though as a good thing, I think I am finally listening to what my body is telling me. I certainly never did that before. I abused my body for decades. Never got enough exercise, I was working ridiculous hours, not getting proper rest, not eating well and of course drinking and abusing drugs more and more.
I think it is a credit to how amazing the human body is that mine kept functioning after all those years of abuse. And now I am starting to notice that I am "writing checks in my mind, that my body can't cash". In other words I have lost some physical ability due to illness.
What used to be a relatively simple walk around the island has now become an ordeal I can't seem to complete. That is so frustrating but as I've stated before in previous posts...it finally got my attention. I realized that something is indeed, wrong. I have issues...still I used to doing things. Even with my disability, I'm an active guy...you learn to do what you can and work around the those disabilities.
The one area where I have no felt any letdown in resolve is in my recovery. I have not once, thought "this is awful, I need a drink". Or a drugs...no I haven't gone there and feel secure in the fact that God has my back. Of course I still do those things I need to do every day to stay clean and sober.
My friends in recovery and from church have rallied around me in a way that frankly, I have a hard time thinking about without breaking down. I cannot imagine my life with out them...
I was just about to write that I needed to wrap up and get a move on, that I had a busy day. Then I thought about what I actually had to do today...and laughed literally out loud. It isn't much by the standards of the past BUT by today's standard, being ill and all it looks like quite a lot! Again everything is relative, isn't it!?