WHY FREAK?

One of the odd yet interesting things I have noticed that since I left home to come here is I have spent very little time worrying about my condition. I'm simply too busy. But it creeps into your thoughts though. Having such a weird variety of symptoms makes going to a place like this really seem logical.

I'm a bit more forgiving now in my impression of the medical care back home. My personal Doc has been wonderful but the other physicians and Specialists had left a lot to be desired as had the local hospital and Clinical Techs/Specialists like Ct-Scan, X-Ray, Blood Work..nobody seemed to be working together. But since I've come here I don't see how anyone could compare.

I have had these odd sensations that I'm really talking and dealing with someone else's issues and not my own. I guess it's a way of detaching emotionally from the possibilities like Cancer, for example.

I don't want a Doc loosely throwing that term around with little or no justification yet if it is a possibility, then I want to know that. I do not want to be protected. No I really need to know the facts. And Cancer is the fear I'm dealing with right now. Obviously there are other things, some quite serious going on as well but the BIG C is the most worrisome, by far.

Anyhow, it has me pondering my end of life scenario again though it's very unlike the last time I thought seriously about that possibility. It's more matter of fact and focused on acceptance and yea, practical things then the last time. I don't feel morbid at all, I just think one needs to be realistic.

The timing of my spiritual experience brings a huge smile to my face. How can it not? I went through all that BEFORE I realized I was ill. I just love how this whole thing has happened and how I never have to feel alone again.And I don't...I just feel...taken care of, so why freak out, eh?