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Monday, March 14, 2011

Whiny, Boring post...

I've always found it difficult in times of crises not to speculate on things I have no possible ability to know or control. I do have certain medical facts about my current condition in my possession but thats all and there isn't enough there yet to really know what is happening to me. I try, I mean really try to depend on prayer and let this go, release it but to no avail.

I've seen the power and effectiveness of both prayer and meditation in my life, just how it can calm, center and re-direct my tension/worry. But I'm still fretting today and again it's my perception of inaction that is fueling it. There just isn't much more that can be done until certain tests come back.

But still that is reason and I'm feeling and acting a tad bit unreasonable at the moment! Seriously I'm OK but it is hard and I feel discouraged. My typical fall back routine: get busy and do housework, yard work, walk, run around town isn't working because I'm too ill to do those things. I almost want to cry...

Because just a little while ago I started to pick up just a few sticks in the yard and I felt so sick. Queasy, weak and light headed, then I ran out of breath. I can't go on like this I just can't...

Alright enough of that...I'm just feeling some emotional fatigue and I need to snap out of it. I really need to find something to do that will keep me occupied. Tomorrow is a rather busy day, the morning anyway and that is a good thing.

The bottom line is there are things I can't control, I need to get over it. There are also things I can't do right now like I'm used to...I need to focus on what I CAN do and do those. I will not sit around here and feel sorry for myself, i just won't. So time to shower up and try to eat something (without slicing the tip of my finger nearly off!).


  1. i stress over the things i can't control - we're men, it's what we do - traffic? i get ripping pissed, wife stays calm. bad drivers? i get ripping pissed, she curses too. shitty weather? i get pissed, she says "oh well"

    it's always a work in progress trying to get over the things i can't control

  2. T:
    Because for most of my life I was never one for any emo sh** displays, I can now honestly say... cry if you want to... just as long as you are still able to pick yourself up off of the floor afterwards.